Advice for working mothers: managing stress

Working mothers are subject to stresses from every facet of their lives. They deal with home and family issues as well as job stress on a daily basis. So, what can a working mom do to manage this stress load?

1. Prioritize

At home and at work, perform triage on your life. What things are critical and must be handled quickly and only by you? Do your critical and complex tasks first, leaving the mundane and boring for later; those trivial tasks are easier to do when you are tired or can be delegated to others later.

2. Identify your stresses

Everyone has tasks they enjoy and others that cause them stress or distress. The amount of stress a task causes is not always directly proportional to the difficulty of the task or the time the task actually takes. So, for someone cleaning a toilet may be more stressful than planning a week’s menus and grocery shopping. Identify your most stress-provoking tasks and work to remove them from your life or minimize their impact on you. Maybe a particular combination of events or tasks causes dissonance for you; work to deal with those issues one at a time. For example, get as many routine tasks out of the way as possible before handling a special event that needs extra attention.

3. Let some things slide

Once you’ve prioritized your life you will see that some things routinely fall to the bottom of the list. Ask yourself whether those things really even need to get done. Is it critical that you take homemade cookies to back-to-school night or would bakery bought offerings be just fine? Will anyone really care if you only dust on top of your refrigerator twice a year instead of twice a month? Carefully evaluate the time consuming tasks in your life and determine which you can do less frequently or not at all.

4. Make time for yourself

Yes, it sounds easier than it actually is, but this may be the most important thing a working mother can do. Schedule time into your week for pursuits that are just for you. While you may enjoy your work and the time you spend with your partner, it is important to do some things just because they feel good for you. This may be as simple as reading a book, taking a bubble bath or meeting a friend for dinner or may be a regular endeavor like taking a class or pursuing a hobby with a local club. Whatever you enjoy, make sure you carve out regular time to spend on yourself.

5. Exercise

Physical health has an immediate and clear impact on mental health. Exercise improves your physical health dramatically, provides you with greater energy and increases your longevity so you will be around for your kids and grandkids as long as possible.

6. Delegate

The mythical Super Mom may be able to do everything herself but most working women need help. Delegate tasks at home to your partner, to your kids and to hired help. In your job, delegate to your associates and team members.

7. Share

Talk to your friends and family about your stresses. For many women, simply talking to a sympathetic ear about their stress will alleviate much of it. Empathy is a salve on the busiest schedule and the most horrific day. Your support network will help you get through the worst situations.

8. Get enough sleep

When schedules are crazy, sleep is often the first thing to go. But, a good night’s sleep can make you more productive and prepare you to deal with difficult situations, so it is important to consistently carve out ample time to sleep.

9. Respond to the stress

Stress is inevitable, but the way you respond to stress is largely up to you. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing, meditation and yoga to help yourself stay calm and handle difficult situations. Get massages to keep your muscles relaxed; eat fresh healthy foods to keep your physical body in optimum condition. The best way to fight the stress is to be in ideal shape, mentally and physically.

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How to handle a career identity crisis

Average life expectancy has lengthened, people are more active, and technology is increasing its presence in daily life. These things among many others are causing people to reevaluate their lives at a higher frequency than in the past. One of the first things people want to change is their career. Their daily grind is no longer fulfilling. When someone reaches this plateau all hope is not lost. A personal assessment and good planning can breathe life into an otherwise depressing existence.

The most important thing to do is a personal assessment. It is necessary to establish a solid foundation for change. First of all, pinpoint exactly what it is about your current occupation that is leaving you dissatisfied. Is it that you don’t earn enough money? Do you dislike your work environment? Do you feel your job isn’t sufficiently mentally challenging? Maybe, your profession is not allowing you to use your education and talents as much as you’d like. Whatever the reason is, make sure it is important enough in your mind to enact a career upheaval. After you make up your mind without a shadow of doubt, take a good look at your finances. Examine your regular monthly debt to determine what you usually have left over as net income. Then compare your net to the amount of cash you have in savings, checking, stocks, or any other cash flow at your disposal. Taking stock of your financial foundation will give you an idea of how long you can survive without a paycheck in order to find another job. It will also give you an idea of how much money you have to work with if you are trying to start your own business.

Personal assessment will set the stage for your dynamic change. After this, your plan of action is to decide exactly what you want to do and how you are going to do it. Figure out where your passions are the strongest. Combine that knowledge with your reasoning about why you don’t like your current occupation. Then decide if you would like to acquire additional skills or if you desire a geographical change. All these elements comprise your arsenal for change. When your arsenal is complete you can then pinpoint exactly how you are going to do what you want to do.

One of the most important things to do is network. Gather all the names of those who could be contacts to help you with your change. No contact is too old or inappropriate. Anyone that you know that can help you with your endeavor is a contact. It is not necessary to have a deep personal friendship with someone to consider him or her as a good networking contact. A contact is any person that can give you advice, introduce you to helpful individuals, provide you with capital, give you support, or act as any vehicle to help you institute your change.

Once you get your contacts together, begin to use them. Explain your personal plan well, in order to obtain the most effective help. Most importantly, do your research. Make sure that you are well equipped to make your change. If you need more education, set yourself up for its acquisition. If you need to update your resume, do so before you even get good job leads. Most importantly, if you need references, begin cultivating them immediately. A good reference is from anyone who will comment favorably upon you. Once you have solidified your change, formed your plan of action, and set yourself up to begin your new endeavor, there is one more thing to remember: do not quit your current job until you are certain you are prepared to. The worst thing you could do is to quit out of anticipation and impatience. Anything worth having is definitely worth the time to plan well.

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Choosing a career that's right for you

Choosing a career and discerning what employment field or industry you want to be in for the rest of your life can be an incredibly hard task. In today’s society many career fields require you have qualifications or experience that may take years to work towards, so discerning what path you wish to follow takes a lot of consideration.

When considering a career path, try to think of the things that you enjoy doing. To be happy in a career field you have to enjoy the work that you are doing. For instance, if you do not like animals then being a vet is definitely not an option for you. Also try to consider the things you know you are good at. Maybe you are a people person so working with people would suit you well. Perhaps you have skills in music or making things and these skills can be worked and molded into you career prospects.

The people who find themselves unsatisfied with their career choices are the ones who have gone into that career path for the wrong reasons. Perhaps they were trying to please someone other than themselves, or maybe money was a motivation, but the outcome has meant that they have regrets and are unfulfilled in their jobs. Money and family values may be a consideration when you are choosing your career and that is all right, but do not choose a career path based on these reasons alone.

When you choose a career path to follow, you should be excited by the prospects and genuinely interested in the field, especially if you intend to spend many years studying to get qualifications or gain the right experience. Of course many people go into a career field that is not of their choice for different circumstantial reasons. Perhaps they did not have the qualifications or were unable for whatever reasons, to get into the field they may have desired to. These people however may find that satisfaction or have reasons to then stay within that career field.

Gaining work experience is a great way to help you discern what does and does not interest you as a future career. You may discover that the job you always thought you wanted is not what you would like to do after all. Work Experience is also often a good asset when it comes to applying for employment and it can often help you to get a start in the field you want to. Through work experience you may gain vital contacts that will help you get into the industry you desire, or at the least you will gain experience and that will be well received by future prospective employers.

If you are unsure of what career to work towards, try to keep your options open. Try new things and do not be afraid to admit that something may not be right for you. Gain experience in different fields or choose a course of study that leaves your options open to many different career choices. Do not put limits on yourself or your options because the career paths and industries out there are endless, and the choice is up to you.

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Getting good job references

Keeping good personal references is not the first thing on the list in this busy world, yet it should be for the future of ourselves and our prosperity. So, how does a person identify and ultimately, personally acknowledge that reference--whether it be a co-worker, friend or supervisor? Who are the hidden candidates that could be called upon and labeled as a “Good Reference”?

Not too many people go around discussing these things. It’s just something we all have to know how to do, by “osmosis” I suppose. Agree? In the search for a definitive sign of a good reference there are a few things to consider and a few different types of people who will fit into at least three or four reference categories.

The reference categories are as follows: personal reference (not a family member), business reference (supervisor or overseer), or work reference (a co-worker who was familiar with you and your work style/work). The fourth category is a rare one, but it does exist on job applications: someone who is not related to you and has not worked with you. This may include friends/acquintences who are fond of you. Typically, all of these people would have to have known you for at least one year on a standard job application.

Now, back to identifying these individuals in your life. The most common question that comes to mind for many people probably is: How do I go up and ask someone if they would be a reference for me? Believe me, this is not the easiest task; in fact, sometimes people may find that they get rejected. It seems most people become rather shy and apprehensive when asked to give a work reference. Why? The reason is unclear; responsibility is possible. If anything, they should be flattered that they were asked to be used as a reference and trusted, too. But, people will be people.

The best people to stick to and recall when in need of references are: co-workers who worked close with an individual, co-workers in other departments who are fond of an individuals work and who the individual has done good work for in the past and has been appreciated by these people, supervisors who have helped an individual learn and grow, or someone (not work related) who has know the individual for an extended period of time (whether it be someone they have done community or volunteer service with or has helped out in some honorable way).

On the other hand, it is not advisable to use supervisors or bosses who did not give good reviews or who were overly critical of the individual. It is also not wise to use co-workers who were friendly, but did not know the individual long enough to give a complete reference on them (they could have forgotten all about the individual--as people come and go). Do not give personal references such as mother, father, cousin, sister or aunt. This looks silly and is not professional. If this were the case and we could all use these types of references, then we would all look “absolutely wonderful” in the eyes of these people, right?

Solution: Common sense works well when it comes to references. An individual should remember to ask politely and know the person long enough before asking for the reference. Make sure good contact is kept between the two people, as people move and phone numbers change. A nice suggestion is to take the “reference” out for coffee and bring it up or just approach it in a positive and flattering way. Usually, people are receptive. If the person is not receptive, it’s not a good idea to push. Just drop the idea and find another reference that is more upbeat and positive about it. It has to feel right. Keep in close contact with the “reference” and reward them in small ways (cards, meet for coffee, call and say hello, etc.). Keeping good references also keeps good friends.

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The art of contract negotiation technique

In the art of negotiation, whether it is business or personal requires planning and execution. Unlike toddlers, who negotiate by crying and rolling around on the floor, adults need to employ a different skill set to get their point across. The following are some tips for successful negotiation.

Before the meeting be well rested and well fed- also visit the restroom before “entering the arena” as you don’t want a nature call to have you leave the room or adjourn the meeting early.

Wear comfortable, yet appropriate clothing- the commercial expression “don’t let them see you sweat” is never more applicable. A tight collar and or tie or a skirt that is being hitched or hiked that will cause you to fidget will detract from your image.

Focus on issues, not personalities- if you have to deal with persons you don’t like (or those you do like) it is tempting to let your thoughts about that person influence your behavior. Focusing on your goal and treating everyone as an equal will help matters become resolved in your favor. By treating all fairly you will avoid simmering about grudges or worrying about feelings, which can be an obstacle in your success.

Speak in supportive statements- Attach credibility to your statements by speaking in facts not feelings. Avoid sentences beginning with “I think” “I feel” or “In my opinion”. When stating facts, be prepared to quote your sources and elaborate or deflect questions meant to deflate your position. Being armed with facts stands up better than trying to justify feelings.

Listen (with more than your ears)- Listen for audible content but also watch the body language. Are your opponents sitting with an “open” body posture or are their arms tightly folded across their chest? Are they scratching their nose often in disbelief? Are they looking down or are they engaging you with their eyes in a game of “blink” to establish who is boss?

Find points of agreement to build on- pick up points that you agree upon and incorporate them into your presentation. An example would be “I agree with you on the importance of XYZ, and this is how the implementation of PDQ can benefit XYZ".

Choose your battles wisely and place some “decoy” items on the table- a trick popular with attorneys is to ask for much more than you want so that you can “sacrifice” superfluous or unreasonable items to gain ground for the important issues. Compromise with care on items important to you. Weigh carefully whether holding out will be in your best interest. Sometimes a speedy resolution isn’t the best.

Take minutes- Have someone tape or take minutes so that all that has been said is recorded. Reiterate that your responsibility will be and that you will execute your part right away. If in a business meeting you can end by saying “I will have this in a memo to distribute this afternoon” or “I will make the necessary phone calls to get this rolling right away”. If contracts are involved, have them ready on the spot or as soon as possible to get a signature to what has been agreed. Although most contracts have a “cooling off” period of three days or so, getting a written commitment to your settlement brings you that much closer to your goal.

End on a positive note - Shake hands and smile. A smile shows friendliness and confidence and that you are a great person to do business with, even if everyone in the room wasn’t altogether pleased with the outcome. Conversely, if you did not get all you wanted, don’t appear a bad sport. Focus on your “wins” and play down the losses. Take honest notes to yourself on your tactics and see how you can improve for next time.

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How can I find the right job for me

You are working a nine to five job. You get a paycheck every week, but that is about all that you get from this job. You wish there were a better way to make a decent living, but you feel trapped. You don't want to risk yours and your family's futures by losing your only source of income, so you have just keep quiet and drag through each work day, praying feverishly for the weekend to get here faster.

There are more people than you probably realize who find themselves smack dab in the middle of the above scenario. If you are one of these people, then read on and find how you can set yourself free and find the happiness you deserve!

First, sit down and make a list of all of the assets you have to offer. Include any education that you have, hands on experience, and any other skills that you have. These skills might include personal strengths such as good organization, an eye for details, good mathematical skills, you are able to work by yourself with little supervision, you are a self-starter, etc.

Next, think about what you like to do or what you would like to do and make a list. Your list might include taking care of animals, working outdoors, working with numbers and figures, cooking food, baking, cleaning, fishing, woodworking, etc.

Next, equipped with your list of possible jobs, you will need to research some jobs and find out what they entail. You can check with your high guidance counselor and gain valuable information on how to research some job areas that you are interested in. Check with your local public librarian too. And don't forget to search the Internet. Find out and write down some common job titles and their general responsibilities. Different companies will have different job descriptions, but this will give you at least a general idea to go on. Decide on two or three jobs that you would be interested in and then search further to find out what the prerequisites are for the jobs. Do you currently have education in this area? Do you have previous experience? Could you possibly get a job that interests you and then learn on-the-job and receive the necessary training that way?

Finally, ask friends and family members who work in the fields that you have chosen. Find out where they work, what they do, and how they got the job. Check with area colleges and technical centers to find out what kind of classes they offer for a job you are interested in that requires an educational background. Some companies will hire a person, and then allow the person to attend night classes to receive the education that they need. Some companies will even pay for a part or all of the costs of the courses.

Whatever field you decide to get into, do not wait another day to find out what else the world has to offer outside of the walls that you are currently in.

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